Understanding the Power of Your Relationships Can Change Your Life
by Yolande Clark-Jackson
We all know that it’s important to have a strong support system, but what does that really mean? And, how do you get one if you don’t have one? Feeling supported comes down to the people in your life and how they make you feel about yourself and the world around you. What most take for granted is that a key part of our mental health is connected to how we interact with the people in our life. Having a support system has more value than you think and investing in improving them can pay off in a variety of ways.
Leveraging the power of your relationships can make a big impact in your health and feeling of well being. A study done by The National Library of Medicine showed that those who have healthy close relationships not only have less stress but also live longer. Research continues to demonstrate that relationships impact our overall feeling of happiness as well as our mental health. This can be especially true when we have a therapist, counselor or other mental health professionals working with us in an ongoing way.
Jacqueline Hunter Lewis, LAMFT says, “building a relationship is like investing in a savings account.” When you invest in creating strong relationships with others, you have something to draw from when you need it. A good relationship helps us feel like we can tackle the challenges of life and help us find insight into solving problems in ways that make sense for us. Mental health greatly benefits relationships and community because it’s all about balance between positive and negative feelings, which holds true for all aspects of your life – including connections with other people.
“You can’t change the people around you, but you can change the people around you.” Hunter Davis says she saw this somewhere and it resonated. The truth is you can’t change other people, but if the people around you are not making you feel loved and supported, you have the power to make changes about what people remain around you.
And there are plenty of reasons why maintaining healthy relationships is difficult. We don’t always have the capacity. Economic and social stressors, childhood trauma, racial trauma, or other stressors that impact our mental health also impact the health of our relationships. This is especially true In African American communities where historically there was an intentional rupture in close relationships. In romantic relationships this can show up as an inability to form close bonds. This is why having empathy for those we care about is so important.
When people complain about the problems they experience in their relationships, they often say they have communication problems or trust issues. Hunter Lewis says these problems are effects from other causes. One major cause is the inability or unwillingness to be vulnerable. She says vulnerability is key in developing and maintaining healthy relationships and without it, it can create a big challenge to overcome.
Other barriers to building strong relationships include:
-Unconscious defense mechanisms
-An inability to cope with friction
-Making assumptions based on past experiences or personal insecurities
Being vulnerable means being honest about our own feelings and allowing others an opportunity to prove themselves.
And although building relationships requires vulnerability, Hunter Lewis says it also requires discernment. “You need to be vigilant in choosing who to be vulnerable with,” she says. And it takes time. “Take the time to reflect on all the moving parts,” she adds. These moving parts start with you and your willingness to reflect and your willingness to move forward with curiosity and empathy.
Try these things to improve your relationships:
Dedicate time for self reflection
Take ownership of own actions that may have contributed to rupture in connection
Become curious about another person’s experiences
Be an active listener
Become more empathetic and avoid being judgmental
How do YOU know when you need help managing your relationships with yourself or others?
Hunter-Davis says the first step to knowing you need help is when you know you have a desire and willingness for change but don’t know where to start. “Therapy can act as a catalyst for change.”
Successfully managing mental health and emotional wellbeing is a journey that involves developing better relationships, learning new skills and building resilience. When you can learn to master all three, you can change your life for the better.
If you want the support from a licensed professional to help you level up your relationships this year, reach out to one of our therapists. Book a 15-minute consultation here.
And, be sure to follow on IG at @ibisanmi.relational for mental health check ins and inspirational posts.
