Expressing Love Beyond Your Valentine
By Yolande Clark-Jackson
Each February we celebrate love, and Valentine's Day is a great reminder that we often take for granted the love in our lives. But it's important to remember that romantic love isn’t the only love that deserves our attention. There are many kinds of loving relationships that often get forgotten about in the rush to have a picture-perfect evening with a special someone. Having a romantic love in your life is worth celebrating, but what about all the other forms of love? How can we normalize and prioritize various forms of loving relationships? One way is to make time to acknowledge the many other types of love.
We know when we love someone. We know because we feel invested in that person’s happiness and safety. But sometimes we don’t call it love. As we developed language to describe our emotions, the Ancient Greeks popularized eight terms to describe the various aspects of love people can experience with the people and pets in their lives. Here is the eight they decided on:
Philautia-Self-love
Agape-Selfless love
Philia-Affectionate love
Eros-Romantic love
Pragma-Enduring love
Mania-Obsessive love
Storge- Familial love
Ludus-Playful love
Thinking about the different types of love you feel for others can help you decide on healthy ways to show gratitude for it. Here’s where to start:
Make a list of people you care about, and write down why you love them.
Reflect on your most memorable experiences with the people in your life.
Give thanks for the way relationships that feed you
As you reflect on your most memorable experiences and who you shared them with, consider what you’ve learned from them. What did you learn about yourself? How did those experiences change the way that you see and interact with others? How did they make you feel more connected to yourself or to other people in your life? Once you reflect, you can decide on unique ways to show love to the people you care about.
What we give is what we receive, so it's important to show others that we love them by giving them something in return
When you give love to others, you are giving yourself the best chance at receiving it in return.
When we give our time and attention to someone else, we are showing them that they are important enough for us to spend time with them. And this can be very powerful because then the person who receives your gift will feel loved by simply being given your attention.
For example: if you have children or grandchildren (or any family members), take some time each week to just spend one-on-one time with them--go out for ice cream after dinner or play outside together on a nice day--and watch how much happier everyone will be when they feel like they're being cared about by people who love them. If you are far away, you can reach out in other ways.
Send a card.
Send a gift.
Write a note.
Leave a text message.
Make a phone call!
Give your loved ones a chance to talk about how they feel
One of the biggest ways to show love for others is to listen. Being present, quiet and undistracted can be a major way to show you care.
Let your loved ones know you are listening.
Be patient and don't interrupt them.
If they are talking about their feelings, allow them to finish speaking before asking questions or offering advice.
Don't judge or criticize their feelings as right or wrong; just listen carefully so that you understand what they are saying in all its complexity, which may include both positive and negative aspects of the situation at hand (such as "I feel angry because I'm disappointed").
If someone is upset with something that happened between the two of you, try not to take it personally--this can be difficult at first but will become easier over time!
Teach others to spread love as well
Normalizing and prioritizing love comes down to modeling. And there are plenty of ways to express your appreciation for others who have made an impact in your life.
The more we make space for celebrating all the loving relationships we have, the more it will seep into the way our families and communities relate to one another.
Love is a verb, not a noun. And it isn't just romantic love either--it's about caring for those around us and showing them that we care in a multitude of ways.
So whether or not your significant other had something planned for you this year (or any year), don't forget about the rest of the world. What most forget is that love is present even when we're not looking for it, and it can come from unexpected places.
Love is a powerful force that can change the world, and it doesn't always have to be celebrated on Valentine's Day. It should be part of your life every day. By modeling how to show gratitude for the many types of love in your life, you can normalize showing love for those you share a community with or those you care about in February or in any month of the year.
We hope these tips have helped you find new ways to think about love and how you can spread it among those around you.
If you want more help on how to express love to others, reach out to us. Seeking the help of a professional could make the difference. Book a free 15-minute consultation with an Ibisanmi therapist here.
And, be sure to follow us on Instagram at @ibisanmi.relational for mental health check-ins and inspirational posts!
