Why Couples Need a Create a Marriage Plan Before the Wedding
BY YOLANDE CLARK-JACKSON
Learn how couples counseling can help you build a successful marriage
Couples often save for years for their ideal wedding. For some people it’s the day they have dreamed about since childhood so they want to make it one of the best days of their lives.
Not only do couples spend on average 6-18 months planning their “big day,” but they also spend a lot of money. In 2023 the average wedding in the US cost about $35,000. This means that instead of putting a sizeable down payment on a house, many couples are opting to spend that amount on the one day they hope to reminisce about for a lifetime.
Unfortunately, after the wedding and the honeymoon, a lifetime of bliss is not guaranteed. According to the CDC, around 22% of first marriages end in divorce, separation, or death within the first five years. An optimist will say that means 78% of marriage will be successful. But no couple wants to fall among that 22%. If couples want to prepare for a successful marriage, they need to start planning long before their wedding day.
What is couples counseling?
The American Psycolological Association (APA) defines couples counseling as, “guidance and advice focused on issues confronting relationships between partners. Couples counseling is short-term and problem oriented; it may include a variety of approaches to such difficult areas as shared responsibilities, expectations for the future, and loyalties.”
Without the support of a trained professional, couples are often unable to address issues such as finances, sex, and intimacy, balancing career goals, spiritual/religious beliefs, family involvement, communication, conflict resolutions, parenting styles, and setting realistic expectations for each other.
Why couples planning for marriage should seek pre-marital counseling
If you’re planning for marriage, you should also plan to invest in pre-marital counseling. According to a survey in the Journal of Family Psychology and the APA, couples with premarital education reported higher levels of marital satisfaction and experienced a 30 percent decline in the likelihood of divorce over five years.
Couples counseling can be a great way for couples to identify and discuss potential problems, decide on a joint purpose, and create a strategy to communicate and resolve problems effectively. Couple counseling can also be a way to decide if as couple you and your partner are truly ready for marriage. Either way, before spending lots of valuable time and money on a wedding, pre-marital counseling is a smart investment for couples to consider.
Pre-marital counseling can cost anywhere from $250-$350 a session. Booking 3 sessions would cost between $650-$950 which is comparable to the cost of some wedding cakes. The difference: Instead of layers of cake, there could be layers of benefits couples could enjoy long after the wedding reception.
Some topics to discuss in pre-marital counseling:
When to get married and where to live
The role of spirituality for each partner and the relationship
If and when to have children, how many, and parenting values and styles
Career goals and aspirations
The division of household responsibilities
Plans for alleviating and/or managing debt
Marriage expectations (roles and responsibilities of each partner)
The dynamics of relationships with family members and friends
Thoughts on pre-marital sex and/or sexual intimacy throughout the marriage
How to support each other and ensure needs are met
Other benefits of couples counseling:
Whether couples are planning to improve their relationship, plan for marriage, choose co-habitation, or a life partnership, there are many benefits that can result from investing in couples counseling.
Couples can:
-Identify areas for improvement in the relationship
-Discuss past relationship dynamics and potential impacts
-Outline expectations and form agreements
-Work through existing relationship challenges and prevent future challenges
-Learn potential communication skills to better handle conflicts
-Gain support in navigating socio-cultural differences and individual attachment styles
-Set goals for improvement and for the future
-Aquire important relationship skills to better support each other
-Decide if separation is necessary
Choosing the right therapist
Each couple is unique and getting the right fit for counseling and support is important. At Ibisanmi Relational Health, we work with you and your partner to identify the strength and growth areas in your particular relationship. We will take a culturally affirming approach to help build on your strengths and equip you with effective communication and relational skills to deal with challenges you might encounter in your relationship or potential marriage.
Before wedding planning, evidence supports that couples should invest more time in planning for marriage. To book a free consultation with one of our culturally affirming relationship therapists, click here.
We look forward to supporting you and your partner in your #relationshipgoals
