No Mother Ever Wanted A Legacy of Trauma
By Yolande Clark-Jackson
Mothers birth more than children. They birth a new possibility for a community. Mothers carry the legacy of history and culture and often dedicate more time to maintaining a household and rearing children than they do caring for themselves. Mothers are the first teachers of children. They show them how to see the world as it is or as it can be.
We learn so many things from our mothers and those who mother us. We observe various ways to nurture, but we also watch them for cues on how to cope with the stressors of life. And if you're a mother with a daughter, you feel compelled to pass the best of what your mother taught you down to your own daughter. Stories, recipes, wise warnings, and family heirlooms get lovingly transferred, but unfortunately, things we wish we never had to carry or absorb, gets passed on as well. Even with the best intentions, mothers also pass pain to the next generation because trauma gets handed down too.
What is generational trauma?
Generational trauma, intergenerational trauma or transgenerational trauma are all terms used to describe how the traumatic experiences or one generation gets passed down to the next. For example, if a child grows up in a home where violence or abuse is common or normalized, they may come to regard such behaviors as acceptable. If a woman suffers the trauma of being verbally abused or discriminated against because she’s a woman, she may pass down a feeling of distrust about fairness in society to her daughter. Research shows trauma can be passed to children even before they are born.
An article published in 2019 by the American Psychological Association shares research on the various effects of generational trauma.“The transgenerational effects are not only psychological, but familial, social, cultural, neurobiological and possibly even genetic as well.” This is especially true for communities and families with a history of discrimination, abuse or violence or to those living in poverty. Experiences of violence and abuse also disproportionately impact women.
Historically women have suffered the most violence and abuse in and outside of the home. According to the World Health Organization, 1 in 4 women in the world experience physical or sexual violence. And Black women experience additional trauma due to the impacts of slavery, microaggressions, racialized violence, or witnessing racial violence which can lead to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Black mothers carry these traumas and trauma responses, and it directly impacts their children.
As a society, we need to take better care of women. We need to recognize the impact mothers have in our communities and prioritize their physical, mental, emotional and relational health. No mother ever asked for a legacy of trauma, and no child ever asked to receive it.
Patterns of generational trauma
The negative effects of generational trauma can increase the risk of chronic pain, anxiety, sleep disorders, suicidal thoughts, substance abuse, or poor hygiene.
Families may develop their own pattern of dealing with trauma that gets passed down as well. These patterns include sharing a common narrative, denial, minimization, pessimism, lack of emotional regulation, or apathy.
How to break the cycle
Many of the ills of society may still exist and the statistics of violence against women and those who are marginalized in our society isn’t improving fast enough. Mothers fear for their children on and offline because dangers are seemingly everywhere. But living in fear shrinks happiness and increases feelings of anxiety.
You may be carrying around unprocessed trauma from previous generations. But you don’t have to give your energy and focus to every negative event, you don't have to accept social messaging that doesn’t affirm your identity, and you don’t have to live in your family’s shadow.
Pathways to healing
Despite what trauma you may have inherited, you can break the patterns of behavior from trauma in your own family. The best way to heal generational trauma is to start with yourself. Start questioning the stories and beliefs you have internalized as a result of a family history of generational trauma. Questioning beliefs that may not be based on truth, can help you get back in touch with your authentic self. You can also work to create new patterns through committing to new patterns you want to create.
Another way people can move forward from this family cycle of trauma is through therapy. If you think you would benefit from the help and support of a professional, reach out to a Ibisanmi Relational Health Therapist. IRH therapists are trained and skilled professionals who provide a holistic approach to helping you achieve mental wellness.
You can be sure you’ll receive culturally affirming guidance suited for your unique situation. Book a 15-minute consultation here.
