Keeping It All Together: Tips for Balancing Life, Work, and Relationships During the Holiday Season
By Yolande Clark-Jackson
If you live in the US, you started hearing the words “holiday season” in October, and your response was either excitement, dread, or a bit of both. This time of year often means gathering, gifting, or getting out of town. It also means being bombarded with advertisements, travel offers, and gift buying guides asking you to make “this” holiday season your best ever.
But what happens when the holiday season that often comes with anticipation and excitement, also drags a bag of stress behind it? What do you do to manage stress and keep your balance at a time when so much is happening in your life and the world around you? This year make the goal to not only “get through the holidays” but also find ways to experience some of the joy the season promises.
What is the holiday season?
The holiday season includes both cultural and religious holidays beginning in November with Thanksgiving on the fourth Thursday, which falls this year on the 23rd. Hanukkah follows in December beginning on the 7th, Christmas on the 25th, Kwanzaa begins on the 26th, and New Year’s is celebrated on the last evening of the year. A commitment to celebrating any one of these holidays requires time and money which can increase stress or a sense of overwhelm.
But besides the added stress related to the expenses of time and money, the holiday season can also trigger emotions or heighten possibilities for conflict.
Factors that make the holiday season particularly stressful for people:
Loneliness (Friendships or relationships)
Unresolved conflict or resentment
Multiple commitments
Feeling guilt for unaccomplished goals
Burnout
Geomara Flores, a Marriage and Family Therapy Intern at Ibisanmi Relational Health says these factors and others can make the holiday season less enjoyable. She also breaks down the triggers and provides useful tips.
Expert Tips for Managing Triggers:
Loneliness
Trigger: Seeing people post gatherings and reunions when you may be home and alone or have no plans can lead to feelings of isolation.
Tip 1: “Reach out and connect with people that bring joy into your life. It will be a compass to know who you want to be surrounded with during this time even if it’s one good friend.”
Tip 2: “Remember that the feeling of belonging and care often is confused with need for love. As
love can be found in a community of people of close friends that make us feel cared for and seen.”
Trigger: When there is loss in a family or one has lost connection within it, loneliness can hit.
Tip: “Do not be afraid of reaching out to people and sharing your loneliness.” You never know what emotional support you can find until you ask for it.
Unresolved Conflict or Resentment
Trigger: Throughout the year many relationships go through disagreements or conflict that can be exacerbated around this time when appearances are often a pressure to keep up.
Tip: “Reach out to people you feel you need to have conversations with so you can enjoy your holidays genuinely. Compassion and vulnerability go a long way.”
Multiple Commitments
Trigger: We can feel the pressure to say yes to everything and everyone which can lead to overcommitment. We can also feel pressure to spend beyond our means which can lead to feeling anxious about the future.
Tip 1: “Measure your commitments and do not feel pressured to overextend yourself during the holidays by setting up parties, helping people, buying gifts, etc”.
Tip 2: “Ask for help if you need it, and learn to say, ‘no thank you’ if you rather spend some time alone sipping some cocoa.”
Feeling Guilt for Unaccomplished Goals
Trigger: The end of the year can trigger thoughts of guilt about unmet resolutions and ideas about what we said we would do at the start of the year.
Tip 1: “Whatever goal you set, have compassion with yourself. Remember that you can always start again next January. You tried your best this year, and it’s okay if you couldn’t start that business or lose x pounds.Take time to journal and reflect on what lessons you learned this year and start again with those in mind.”
Burnout
Trigger: Lots of people experience burnout when existing priorities and responsibilities meet new and longer to-do lists that the holiday season brings with it.
Tip: “TAKE TIME TO BREATHE. If your body is saying ‘stop!’= Stop. You tried so hard this year. Take that break, take that vacation or time off. If a job falls apart because you are not there working late on a Dec 24th, so be it. Remember not to take matters into your hands that are not your responsibility to solve. You need your health for yourself and your loved ones. No one wants to be sick for the holidays. So rest. And I mean rest, for the sake of rest not to fill the tank and do more tasks.”
Lastly, remind yourself that you deserve to experience ease, relaxation and joy not just during the holiday season, but all year long. If you feel you could benefit from the guidance of a licensed therapist to smoothly sail through this holiday season with less stress and better overall sense of well being, reach out to us.
You can be sure you’ll receive culturally affirming guidance suited for your unique situation. Book a 15-minute consultation here.
