5 Common Reasons Couples Avoid Therapy and Why You Should Still Go
By Yolande Clark-Jackson
During times of trouble in your relationship, you may have considered counseling but didn’t follow through. You are not alone. According to research, there are some common reasons why couples avoid seeking out the help of a professional.
When Tina Turner sang, “What’s love got to do with it,” it was easy for people to sing along. Most can relate to being heartbroken or disappointed in a relationship that started with butterflies and “I love yous.” But it takes more than love to maintain a healthy relationship and love alone won’t help couples overcome obstacles together. Sometimes a third party and a new perspective can help bridge the gap. Unfortunately, some opt for separation instead of seeking intervention.
Studies show that by the time many couples decide to seek therapy, it’s often too late. Problems that were once small end up becoming too big for a couple to handle.
When Should Couples Seek Therapy?
Nathaniel Turner, MFT; LAMFT, is an Associate Marriage and Family Therapist at Ibisanmi Relational Health. Turner says many things can lead to an attachment rupture, including “learned or unlearned patterns of belief about relationships.” And there are a few red flags couples can look to for a signal it’s time to seek help.
If attempts at resolving conflict leave either party feeling unsafe emotionally or physically, this is a clear red flag. Other signs include experiencing a repetitive argument around the same topic without a plan or commitment toward change or emotionally withdrawing and giving up on arguing at all. Communication is key, so not addressing the issues in a relationship can lead to resentments and/or eventual separation.
According to the Center for Disease Control, 50% of marriages end in divorce and divorce among Black couples is higher than any other racial group. So why don’t couples seek help instead of a way out?
Top 5 Reasons Why Couples Don’t Seek Therapy
Each relationship is unique, but there have been some common reactions.
Shame: There may be a sense of shame among one of both partnered individuals because they feel they failed at figuring out how to solve the problem themselves.
Refusal: One or both people may refuse going to therapy because of preconceptions or concerns about privacy
Denial: There is an unwillingness to admit help is needed.
Fear: Some fear a therapist may take sides or suggest divorce.
Cost: If uninsured, the cost of therapy can be out of reach for many and they may be unaware of low-cost options
Why You Should Go Anyway
Despite legitimate concerns about what could go wrong, it is widely suggested couples attempt therapy anyway, especially if either person perpetually feels lonely, rejected, or unsure about the relationship.
As they say, “You don’t know what you don’t know.” A licensed therapist can provide an extra set of ears and use specialized skills for conflict resolution. Having an impartial guide to facilitate communication, identify negative patterns, and provide possible solutions may be worth the investment if staying together is a shared priority. Additionally, checking in with a therapist on a regular basis can help a couple to stay on track as they work to rebuild. And even if staying together is not a shared priority, a licensed marriage/couple therapist can provide assistance on ways to navigate the difficult conversations and emotions as the couple determine what is best for each partner and their relationship.
If you think you would benefit from the help and support of a professional, reach out to a Ibisanmi Relational Health Therapist. IRH therapists are trained and skilled professionals who provide a holistic approach to marriage and relationship counseling.
You can be sure you’ll receive culturally affirming guidance suited for your unique situation. If you’re ready to move forward toward finding more joy in your life or in your relationship, book a 15-minute consultation here.
And, be sure to follow on IG at @ibisanmi.relational for mental health check ins and inspirational posts.
